How to Self-Promote without Feeling Arrogant and Salesy

Mar 14, 2017 | 12 comments

 

Do you ever have naked dreams?

Like, you’re walking down the street, shopping, giving a presentation… And suddenly you realize you’re wearing nothing but your birthday suit. You want to find a place to hide, but there isn’t any.

Promoting your own work online may feel similar. For many female entrepreneurs, sharing other people’s stuff on social media feels natural. But when you post a link to your own work, it makes you want to hide under your desk.

You’re afraid that everyone sees you like a messy, imperfect, and vulnerable person who has no idea what she’s doing—which is true. Or, you worry that everyone thinks you’re arrogant, self-promotional, and all you care about is money—which isn’t true.

There’s no place to hide. You’re standing in front of a crowd, naked.

In today’s post, I’d like to show you that it IS possible to self-promote in a way that feels natural, no matter how odd the idea seems right now.

And not only is it possible, but it’s also necessary. Here’s why.

 

Why you have to promote your work

Firstly, no one is going to do it for you. Not when you’re just getting started, anyway.

I mean, there’re many ways to help people help you promote your work, and they’ll be happy to do it, but you have to help them find you in the first place.

And secondly, keeping quiet doesn’t help anyone. By breaking the silence, you’re helping other women (because usually, it’s women who have a hard time promoting their work) give themselves permission to do the same.

And of course, you’re making your work visible for people who need it.

By speaking up, you’re making the (online) world a bit of a better place.

Because if you’re afraid of self-promotion, guess who isn’t afraid: people who really are arrogant, selfish, egoistic, shameless, and only care about money.

And you don’t want your Dream Client to end up working with them, do you?

 

Not comfortable promoting your own work? Read this.Click To Tweet

 

The life-changing magic of changing your focus

We’re afraid of self-promo because we don’t want others to think that we’re bad people. We want everyone to like us.

And that’s normal.

Now, let’s think about egoists: people who brag, boast, and thump their chests. Why do they do it?

It’s the same reason. They want others to like them.

The thing is, both shameless self-adulation and the fear of self-promotion focus on the SELF. The motivation is the same: to control what others think of you.

But in fact, you have little power over other people’s opinions. And the moment you realize it, you’ll be free.

James Altucher put it this way:

“No matter who you are, no matter what you do, no matter who your audience is: 30 percent will love it, 30 percent will hate it, and 30 percent won’t care.”

 

James Altucher, Choose Yourself

 

So, instead of trying to appeal to everyone, you can save your time and energy and focus on your 30 percent. The rest doesn’t matter.

And instead of focusing on the self, you can shift your attention towards something bigger than you.

 

Taking the “self” out of self-promotion

You aren’t in business to trot out and show how cool you are. You are here for a reason, and the reason is bigger than you.

In Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert expresses this beautiful thought that ideas are living things that have a mind of their own:

“Ideas have no material body, but they do have consciousness, and they most certainly have will. Ideas are driven by a single impulse: to be made manifest. And the only way an idea can be made manifest in our world is through collaboration with a human partner.”

 

Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic

 

Your idea chose you for a reason. It’s your mission to promote it.

Even if you’re too rational to believe that ideas are living things, reframing your work as something bigger than you can help you overcome your fear of self-promotion.

When you shift your focus from yourself to your mission, your fear will lose its power. You feel comfortable sharing other people’s work. Similarly, if you take the “self” out of self-promotion, you will feel comfortable sharing your own work.

Whenever you feel the urge to hide, you’ll remember your mission, and you’ll step out of the shadow, no matter what.

Your idea needs you. And the world needs your idea.

 

Self-promotion isn’t selfish. You’re here to serve people, so you need to help them find you.Click To Tweet

 

How to make your voice heard

If you see self-promotion as cooperation with a higher purpose, you’ll do what it takes to make yourself (and therefore your idea) findable. But that doesn’t have to mean yelling at random people and doing things that are against your nature and values.

Here’s what you need to get visible:

 

  1. Clarity

If you aren’t clear about your core message, no one will listen to you because no one will understand you. Getting better at copywriting and writing as such will help you sell your idea without having to settle for cheap selling tricks.

 

  1. Self-confidence

You need to be confident in your message so that others can trust you.

Yeah, I know. It’s easier said than done. 

Psychologists suggest to trick your brain by “acting as if”: Imitating self-confident people leads to success, and success generates real self-confidence.

(If you want to learn more, social psychologist Amy Cuddy explains the science behind this approach in her TED talk Your body language shapes who you are.)

 

Here’s what self-confidence looks like in the online environment. People who are confident:

★ Promote others, even if they’re their “competitors.”

★ Give away their best work.

★ Position themselves as leaders. A good leader isn’t the loudest person in the room, but the person everyone listens to because (s)he inspires and empowers people (by teaching, coaching, encouraging, listening, showing compassion, and in many other ways).

Imitating this behavior will make you look and feel more confident, which will lead to better results and real confidence.

 

  1. Enthusiasm

No one likes being sold to, but we all are wired to respond to genuine enthusiasm.

If you’re truly passionate about your ideas, people WILL follow you and listen to you.

 

  1. Courage

Being courageous isn’t the same as having no fear. In fact, it’s the opposite.

You don’t need courage if you have no fear. But if you are afraid—of failure, of rejection, of putting yourself out there, of self-promotion—you need a lot of courage to do the things you’re afraid of.

 

  1. Friends

You can google blogging hacks and tricks forever. Many of them work, many of them don’t work, most of them only work under certain circumstances.

That’s why I don’t trust (and don’t teach) ultimate solutions and magic bullets.

But if there’s just one thing I know for sure, it’s this one: You can’t make it on your own.  

 

 

PSST...

I’m now in the process of creating a blogging course. Its goal is to help you with all the things we talked about in today’s article: Create a space where you can experiment and share your work, concentrate on things that matter, meet other motivated people and encourage each other to be more confident and more courageous, get clear about your message, and help each other get the message out there.

And I want you to be part of it.

 

The takeaways

✭ Self-promotion isn’t selfish. You’re here to serve people, so you need to help them find you.

✭ Your idea needs you and the world needs your idea. It’s your mission to promote it.

✭ Shifting the focus from the self to the mission will help you feel less awkward when you share your work.

✭ No matter what you do, you can’t control what others think of you. Concentrate on helping the people who get you and need you (your 30 percent), and forget about the rest.

✭ If you worry that you’re arrogant, you aren’t arrogant. Arrogant people don’t give a damn.

✯ If you found the tips helpful, would you mind sharing the article on your favorite social media? It only takes a sec and helps me a lot. Thank you!

 

12 Comments

  1. Elfin

    Veronika, I loved this post. Your arguments are so compelling and very liberating. We are wired to want to be liked by everyone. Social media teach us to obsess about numbers and not what lies behind them. Maybe what we need is also a strategy to detach from these trivialities and focus on that 30%.
    Thanks for this powerful post!

    • Veronika

      Thank you for your comment, Elfin. It means so much. Yes, you’re right, it’s too easy to become obsessed with the number of shares or pageviews, but that’s not what matters. It’s better to have 10 people who read your posts and learn something from them than to have 10k shares from people who didn’t read it…

  2. Jane

    This is exactly what I and probably thousands of others want to hear .. thank you Veronika

    • Veronika

      Thank you, Jane. It’s so encouraging to hear that! <3

  3. Kate Weinman Fisher

    Thank you for this inspiring article, Veronika. I am glad to hear that you are at work on another course. I hope that one of your projects will be a book. I would be the first to pre-order it!

    • Veronika Palovska

      Kate, thank you so much for your kind words! I’ll let you know about the book 🙂

  4. ElenaMutonono

    My favorite takeaway, “By speaking up, you’re making the (online) world a bit of a better place.
    Because if you’re afraid of self-promotion, guess who isn’t afraid: people who really are arrogant, selfish, egoistic, shameless, and only care about money.
    And you don’t want your Dream Client to end up working with them, do you?” I always tell myself that if I don’t say what I can’t find elsewhere, someone’s questions will never be answered. So even when I see my imperfections and struggle with “what will people think?” I tell myself that there’s my dream client in this crowd, and I want them to find me. So I do it. Thank you – so beautiful, as always!

    • Veronika

      Lena,

      A couple of years ago, I was looking for someone to help me with my accent. I was desperate because the people I found didn’t understand my struggle at all. And then I found you, and the rest is history.

      I still remember the moment when I stumbled on your course and your blog for the first time. It was such a relief, to find someone I could trust, someone real.

      You helped me find my voice, and so much more. I’ll never thank you enough for making yourself visible – for me, and for all the people you’ve helped and will help in the future.

      Thank you <3

  5. Karla

    Wow Veronica, thank you so much for sharing! I cringe at the thought of promoting my work because of all the things you mentioned here, it’s like you’ve been inside my head. Because of you, I see it differently now. Thank you 🙂

    • Veronika

      Hey Karla,

      I’m so happy to hear that the post helped you see things differently. That just means the world to me.

      Thank you for your comment, I appreciate you.

  6. Brenda

    Love this! I like your advice on taking the self out of self-promotion and to make it more like a mission. Thanks!

    • Veronika

      Thank you for your comment, Brenda! I’m glad you found it helpful and I hope that you’ll soon put it in practice 🙂

Here is why you have to promote your work and how to do it in a way that feels natural.

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